Where We Are Now

Another Xmas passed without any word or sign of Shayne. Then I decided to phone the Music Building, where she said she was going to work, when I talked to her on the phone for a few minutes around September, after her return from China. To my delight and surprise, when I inquired about her, the person on the other side of the receiver seemed to know her and to be on friendly terms with her. According to her suggestion, I called there another day, and, yes!, it sounded like Shayne's voice in the background, apparently making recordings for the Voice system in English. However, when I tried to speak to Shayne personally, she said she was engaged and could not speak to me, while at work. Since then, I have bought $120 worth of tickets in order to catch a word with her, a minute or two, before the concert begins or before the ticket office closes. Nevertheless, my last visit, Shayne told me not to try to communicate with her that way. I only believe she behaved that way, because of fear of the "authorities." The people from Mentrum told me that Shayne told them, when they recently talked with her, that Shayne couldn't cope with watching my continually deteriorating physical condiction and unprovoked conflicts with "authorities" and others (especially, since I essentially never go out and simply work at the computer most of the time, iron shirts, cook and care for the cat, etc.)

I asked my mother, if she could perhaps invited Shayne to visit her in the US, hoping to try to remove her from this impossible environment, where they have succeeding in disrupting my relationship with her. (She has not visited for two years now). But my mother said, "No," even though she has a broken arm, which is still healing. She had said she was having difficulty driving a car around all the time. I had suggested that Shayne might could finish her driving lessons, her education or find work, but my mother rejected this idea. She also has refused to let me visit, because of my "gums," although she hasn't seen me since 1989. My own descriptions are never credible to her and she recently insists on interpreting my circumstances according to popular opinion.

I also had a couple of visits with representatives from Mentrum during this six month period and I answered their questions about my personal habits. I told them about the "see-through-wall" cameras, blinding lights, thunderous vibrations and futuristic, military technology I believe is always being used on me and about my attempts to combat the deteriorating state of my health resulting from these assaults by washing food thoroughly before cooking and consuming it (because it is often dirty and adulterated) and I also mentioned that sometimes, I hold dishwashing detergent in my mouth a long time to improve the condition of my gums. They have sometimes expressed shock over these tactics I use and I suspect and am wary that they might be compiling a study of me, which will be used against me in the future. They suggested I get fitted for proper glasses, as I had to use a magnifying glass to help me read. (But the real problem is that the arms break off my glasses very easily and I didn't want to pull out my patched up, reading glasses in front of them.)

I told them, "I have a very big enemy. " They agreed. They asked me if I knew why. I said, "I've never met him (I call "him," "The Boss"). I've probably never met any of the people pursuing me." I said, "I believe powerful people chase around small, insignificant people, in order to gain power over a region. Just look at how many supermarkets have disappeared. The variety is now very small." I continued, "I have sometimes noticed how, when I am shopping, other (pretend?) shoppers cast their eyes on my basket, taking note of everything I put in it. And then, the next time I go shopping, those products will have been "discontinued" or relabeled with the contents altered. For that reason, I always stayed out of small, local shops. I only shopped at one large supermarket store for food and never anywhere else."

The city of Amsterdam has changed rapidly over the last six months, so many small businesses have closed or moved elsewhere. There is a surprising number of derelict-looking store windows and one or two new, massage parlours and Chinese restaurants are operating in some of these newly "deserted" areas.

I heard on the news, that inspections (performed by outsiders or the UN) are being carried out now on the dikes and, like many others, I fear we are building up to a "natural disaster," which will involve a lot of flooding of the city. The so-called "outsider-inspections" might enable saboteurs to plant dynamite in the dikes. Or perhaps some other sort of policy might be decided on that will sabotage the population in the long run.

As the plot thickens, my Ex, Tom, announces that he is being sent to the US (near Columbus, Ohio) by his company, Ashland, in April. I am afraid, that if something happens to him, my record, as compiled by Mentrum, will be used against me and I will also be unable to communicate with my daughter during such a crisis. It occurs to me, also, that if something happened to her, there would be know way for me to be aware of it. We are all being forced, deliberatedly, to be isolated from each other.

Last week, Algean called and mentioned he had seen me around Central Station, when I was on my way to catch Shayne at the Music Building. He said, "I was in the background." I asked, "Did someone call you up and tell you I was in that vicinity, so that you could go there and view me?" And to my disbelief (and also relief), Algean said, "Yeah." This was a confession and the evidence I needed to confirm that someone, on seeing me leave the house, used a mobile phone, to tell other persons to tag after me. I told Algean to tell his "boss," not to use him, personally, anymore to spy on me in the future, as it would do no good.

Speechless

It is 1:30. It is with very heavy heart that I prepare myself, in vain, to drag myself over to Shayne's house. I have just tried to reach her on her mobile phone--impossible as usual, only Voice.

I tear myself away from my research on Phillis Wheatley, who was an ancestor of George Washington Carver. The darkness of this environment I live in here prevents me from having time to complete the research, as it did my research in mathematics, on magnetic bubble computers and fast digital Adders.

Not in. And no sign of life. Coincidentally, someone walks up to the building just the moment I am there. We stare speechlessly and intensely at each other. She snaps her head and turns the key and I resume ringing Shayne's bell.

After returning home, a huge argument breaks out with her father. I say, "There never was a year (before this last year) when Shayne didn't come over for at least ten minutes during the Xmas season." Her father has decided to see "nothing going on" and to clear himself of the scandal and ordeal by accusing me of being "paranoid," while very loudly and excitedly evocating the social workers to come back and to interview me. He claims to know why Shayne is never home. "She won't come back, until I have the social workers come and examine you!" he screams. "She told me that she wouldn't come over here again, until I have the social workers examine you."

A cowardly tactic and a brass lie.

Shayne had said to me, that she wouldn't come over to her father's house again, until the social workers tell her its okay. Which social workers? Apparently, the ones she spoke to when I was desperately looking for her during her "missing year." All along, the persons at Mentrum referred to conversations they had had with Shayne, but I told them I didn't believe them, as I never found her at home or could reach her on the telephone. Eventually, I assumed they had found her at her apartment, shortly after my petition to the police.

But for months, I could not find her at work or in her home. When we did see her at home in June (?), we saw her for only 20 minutes and she had friends (or assistants) helping her arrange her things in her house. We had bought over a large table with a center leaf. I helped her to assemble and move it and to put the leaf in the middle. But one of the friends objected to the table being opened all the way up. Obediently, Shayne put the leaf underneath. (The table has been removed and replaced by a small couch.--as seen through a crack in her curtain)

We saw her for one half hour and then in August we were informed by mobile phone from the airport that she was just about to step onto a plane to China. Since her return, I only glimpsed her one minute, as she opened the door. After her father parked the car, we rang the bell again, but she never opened the door. Although neither of us said anything about it at the time, deep in my heart, I knew that, despite all signs to the contrary, Shayne's behavior was a plea for help. Was she a hostage of some sort? Why hadn't she let us in?

This was about the umpteenth visit I had made to her house since her return from China. But again, on Dec. 24, no sign of life. Usually, I report what was odd about her house to Shayne's father and always the next attempted visit, the flaw would be remedied. The bike would be back outside the house or the shoes will have been rearranged differently or the mail would have been picked up off the floor or the curtain would be completely closed, so no more peeking in was possible. It was as if our at-home conversations (and even our thoughts) were continually being monitored. The "little elves" would listen to our complaints and then rearrange her quarters in such a way, that the complaint was no longer valid. Always, just like clockwork.

But it has occcured to me that they still made an error. Something was out of order at her house this last visit.

It should be mentioned that attempts to reach Shayne at her work have been made several times. It used to be easy and friendly to talk to colleagues of her, when I couldn't reach her by cell phone. But the year, it has become more and more difficult. First of all, there is no central office or authority usually. Secondly, the people are often rude and no longer offer assistance about her working hours. Her father went to the M---- in person and was treated rudely.

She told me in a brief phone conversation, when I reached after she arrived back from China, that she had a souvenir to give me and that she was going to work at the M ---B. After many weeks of not being able to reach her since then, I tried calling the M--B to locate her. They were helpful and told me that from the roster, she would be in the following week for an hour.

I called and certainly got someone who sounded like Shayne. "How can I reach you?" I asked. "I don't know" is what she answered. Her father also called the M---B but could not reach Shayne and he was told to try again the next day but he didn't.

I called the office the next day. I was told a day she would be in. Even though there was someone ringing the doorbell, I was determined not to be prevented in calling Shayne. Letting the doorbell ring, I dial the number and a voice similar to Shayne's answered and I said, "I would like to speak to Shayne!" Then the person said something to the affect, "But I am Shayne..." I said, "I would like to order..." But then the person said, "Don't call me at my work."

I called back and got a man and told him I was trying to reach Shayne. He said he would put me through. But after some minutes, the phone went dead. I called again and repeated my request, the man said, "Shayne is not in. The truth is, she is really not here." I said, "She really is not there? But I thought I heard a voice similar to hers. I want to order tickets." The man answered, "You want to order tickets? You can order tickets from me." "For what date?" "For the 26th." "For 3:00 in the afternoon?" "But," I objected, "I am put off. I want to order tickets from Shayne." "Yes. Tell Shayne I want to order tickets that is all."

I have tried to reach Shayne on her mobile unsuccessfully. She hasn't contacted me. I have just returned from her house, which looks unlived in.

Meanwhile, my visitors had left their card: "Mentrum."

Ever since a new technological solution appeared on the stage this decade, a number of problems have appeared in our lives: red-tape problems, money problems, missing person problems, lack of central laws and government problems. Yes, the Internet and the Call Centers. They have caused thousands of new grievances. After selling the Amsterdam University, the ING bank (and hence the Post Office), the stores, the mobile phone industry, etc. to China and installing Call Centers at the hub of every business concern, nothing has been the same.

It is my belief that a large part of the community here targeted Shayne and she suffered illegal seizures of her Postbank money, illegal deductions for charitable causes from her Postbank account. And so have I and probably many others.

The problem with Call Centers is that they leave a company unaccountable for any mistakes it makes. A consumer can never get through to the same person or even to the management. What is more, via the Call Centers, the costomers details are put into a system, easily accessible by many different persons. We have suffered unbelievably red-tape problems the last ten years. The "Call Center" construct also provides an opportunity for hackers to modify emails and telephone connections. One's navigation through the Internet can also be controlled via them.

I know from my personal research that some workers installed at the Postbank have a connection to the biowarfare departments of the universities in Holland. Following a clue from one of their letters, I discovered a webpage with the names and addresses of workers in biochemicals and biowarfare.

There are persons working at various institutions, like the universities, the banks and Post Offices and other places, all in league, to target an individual and to work together for the detriment of that person. Their deductions off bank statements are fairly easily verified completely unauthorized. Sadly to say, Amsterdam is a community of conspirators, doing this sort of crime altogether.

And where can one turn? On the Internet, there is information about reporting crimes of theft but no mention is made of crimes murder, kidnapping, hostage taking, impersonation, etc.

The cells at Mentrum may be modelled after the Philadelphia Experiment. Where is Xmas, with such things existing beside a law-abiding, civilian community?

If by some miracle, Shayne could still be alive, it would not erase the atmosphere of conspiracy, provocation, deliberate threats, suggestions and aggression used by the community here and the wider community of the media, Internet, etc. Up to now they have tested our responses and used them, only to improve their strategy and tactics. It is my belief, at the moment, that my daughter, Shayne, is, if not already deceased, in great danger as is the rest of us in her family. To me there can be no community more despicable than one like this that contrives, in mass, to harm a person and to prevent anyone from mourning her.

Shayne was born at home in Amsterdam, in a rascist environment, where ethnic cleansing has taken place around the clock, since 1988. Now at the end of this sad anniversary day of human tragedy, I know, that there has not been one day since Shayne's birth 25 years ago that the Dutch society, under CIA authority, did not fail to work for one end and one end alone: to make her birth as meaningless an event as possible. For twenty-five years the Dutch community has worked towards this end: To terminate her life in a hurtful way.

New World Order

In the Post Office yesterday, after the lifting of the Heathrow fog, a lot of English-speaking tourists are standing around. They look Dutch until they open their mouths. Also yesterday, on the media were the obligatory references to "Shayne" (Warner) and "Higgins" (bike) in a Xmas movie about polio, where a young boy sees his sibling die on Xmas Eve, before he could give her a magnificent angel doll he earned for her.
The reality of another Xmas without Shayne begins to sink in. The day before yesterday, two visitors from Mentrum (the padded cell facility) left their calling card and a note in my mailbox. It's been almost a year since I last talked to them. I was sent to be examined by them, I guess because I was so disfigured and because I said in Dutch to the police "The walls have ears."
Their facility gives me nightmares. It is something out of the "X-Files" inventory. At night I can't sleep, imagining how a person could be thrown in a cell and completely evaporized or gassed or freeze-dried without anyone knowing. Is this the reason we are kept in quarantine, isolated from our daughter, and the outside world? Is this the reason many of the packages sent to me from my mother (two T-Shirts, a coat, plus others) are held up indefinitely by Customs?
What is more, I also fear picking up and breathing in many biological agents within their facility.
My recurring nightmare is that my daughter, Shayne, has been killed and may be buried in the walled garden, which glass doors from her bedroom, lead directly onto.
Is she there? Content to be forgotten, while the whole world thinks her an ungrateful, spoiled child, when possibly her life could deliberately have been ended in a country, in which there are no longer any viable laws and order?
A new world order has come to Holland. And the boss of this order keeps his judgements to himself. If he is biased or extreem, there is no monitor to intercede for the target victim. He could not have come into such power without the help of millions of people who work for money alone and close their eyes to the laws and who are disinterested in the fate of others, etc.

Atlantis

The less I do, the more "they" work themselves up. Today they stormed the outside of this apartment building, took down the old street number sign and installed a street lamp onto the brickwork of the outside building, just beside our window. On the other wall of my living room, someone began drilling and pounding, putting in--who knows?-- a see through wall camera, perhaps? Most of the world is unaware of the type of innocent-looking technology they have these days to destroy people's lives. Coupled with Global Positioning apparatus and biological agents,* they can cause you to have exploding bosoms or paralyze you with pain. Most people don't know this. Only a case like that of the murdered Russian spy, Alexander Litvinenko, gives them a hint as to what might be going on.
When a similar light was installed a few years ago, next to boat house in front of our house, I was stabbed with pain, while sitting on the couch, looking at TV after a brief flash of whitish light emanating from the direction of the boathouse. This led eventually to a complete mutilation of my body, a technological beheading, which almost took my life.
Since then, I have heard about others who have suffered the instant, immediate, stabbing, unbearable pains in their stomachs or chest regions. In fact, a friend of my ex-husband apparently died of the effect.
Such technology is what ages people, causes impossible gain of weight, sudden pains and biological skin diseases, etc.

*The biological agents are microscopic insects--in all their multidudinous phases and metamorphoses.

The Ghost

A month later, I learned, over the cell phone, that Shayne had returned safely from her trip. I have only viewed her about one half hour, since her disappearance last September. It is impossible to reach her on her cell phone and there is no real sign of life at her address. In fact the whole neighborhood is deceptively unused. At night, when her father and I drove by to see if we might catch her in, we noticed that the surrounding buildings and apartments are mostly unlit and apparently unoccupied. It's a neighborhood consisting of mostly time-share housing, and second or secondary homes.
I have visited her a total of about 12 times since seeing her briefly last June (?), and only twice did she answer the door, standing in it for a second, then closing it. For all these months, there has been no sign of real activity or life at her address. Quite a contrast to previously, when she could always be found at her address or someone there knew where she was.
I find the new neighborhood where she lives distinctly "hostile" This is because, whenever I ring her bell, various persons seem to have to come out and start talking real loud right beside me, even making comments about me, which I can overhear, such as: "Oh, the doorbell doesn't work. That's why she is tapping and calling." Once I had to worm my way through a chair party with a couple of barking and wrestling dogs. Then again, once at night, as her father let me out on the empty street, while he looked for a parking space, 4 men suddenly came up and stood beside me. "See, " I told her father, as he appeared around the corner and the 4 men dispersed into the gloom. "See how people gather around, when I'm ringing her bell?" Someone had turned a bare ceiling light on in Shayne's living room (the chandelier and her large table were apparently missing), we could determine this through the slight opening at the side of the closed curtain, but there was no sign of life inside the apartment.
Another time, recently, we tried to visit her again and I was depressed when I saw that the curtains had been closed in such a way that not even crack of light could shine through. I looked through the square of class at the top of her door and was disturbed when I saw that a pair of shoes had been placed deliberately and neatly in the front of the door but facing the inside of the house. It was very unnatural and deliberate-looking, as if someone had arranged them that way to give a sign to viewers peeking through her window.
Later, I knew why I had become so heavy and depressed. When they threw me into the airless cell with the video camera and (I have learned since) with the electromagnetic instrumentation built into the ceiling, I had had to walk across the concrete floor in my bare feet, as my boots were deposited in front of the door of the cell in just the same way as Shayne's shoes were poised in front of her door.

Plane Crash News

Dear Lucille,I am up at 5 AM here. I just finished pouring over the giant Atlas to learn a little geography. Very bad news, as far as the geography is concerned. Apparently the straghtest route to Chengdu from Amsterdam is a path through Turkey, Iran and on to Chengdu or possibly to Indonesia.From online reports I learned that on the 29th August an Iranian flight B747 from/to Kuala Lumppar to/from Tehran had to stop in Bandar Abbas (Bandar Shah?) because of a technical difficulty. So possibly passengers from that flight tried to make connecions from Bandar Abbas on the September 1.

Another online report concerned Iran Airtours Tu-154 from Bandar Abbas to Mashhad on September 1. It was to/from Tabriz in Iran near Turkey. It skidded and 29 passengers were lost. Mashhad is a city with flights to/from Amsterdam. So possibly, passengers on this flight, possibly along with some passengers from the other flight B747, were on the plane. And there is every possibility, Shayne or her companions could have been on either of the flights, considering the dates of the mishaps.

I also took note of a recent report about mobile phones and laptops being left by passengers in the airports, broadcasted and published on September 1. The message seem to be: Mobile phones can work even after people have lost them, because the phones are often left behind in the airports and never reclaimed by the owners. The bearing this report has to my situation is that I know Shayne's voice mail has changed since I last talked to her. And I know personally, that the choice of music changed on September 1, because between two attempts I made to reach her the music went from her usual theme to another theme.

So I must keep pursuing this matter to learn if Shayne is o.k. What I have never been able to express clearly is the feeling I have that it is always necessary here that I almost "write a dissertation" just to learn vital facts about something that most people are readily given without any trouble. Just the fact that I haven't reached Shayne on her telephone and that Thomas didn't find her in her house. That I had to seek out the route to China to know what planes she could have possibly been on. All this work to learn if my daughter is alive or dead. It is exhausting and embittering. I know I have been in a conspiracy to undermine my intelligence.

The phone changes could have been made by Shayne. That is my only hope. I think her "kidnappers" are preventing or discouraging her from using her mobile in order to determine if they must release her or if they can hurt her and no one could be blamed. As long as I can't determine whether she could have an accident, then her life could be taken on purpose (meaning no insurance policy would cover it) and she could become "missing" again, even during this interim before she "reappears."I believe that is that is one motive, at least, for these "hide and seek" games.

More Exchanges

Dear Shayne,I hope this letter reaches you and finds you in good humor and health. After talking with you on the telephone, I sort of blanked out, because I was confused about the Postbank problem. I do not know why it took so long for my deposit to be finalized. Then at the last moment today, I thought I should try to put more money into your account but it was too late. Thomas said he told you to call him, if you still need money. I hope you remembered that! I called you (via Internet) yesterday and today but you were unavailable (according to your Voice). I could not even leave a voice message.

I will deposit 200 dollars tomorrow, Saturday, into your account. You can pay me back later.Since usuually when you go away, you have to receive more money, don't you think you should give me your travel details before you go and make it easier for people to help you? I get upset when I think you don't trust me and that you always rely on the "kindness of strangers (meaning non-relatives)." I hope your travelling companions were able to help you, especially if you never received the money we transferred. I believe the Postbank has been very dishonest in imposing two "holds" on your account, one in April and one at the end of July. If you get back in good shape this time, I hope you will consider opening up a new bank account somewhere else and keep the details of your account to yourself--don't report the account to other institutions or people. You might need some legal help, if the "hold" is truly unjust. When you travel with little money, the "deurwaarder" might put an unjust "hold" on your account, supposing that you might not return to defend yourself. It is always a risk to travel. Something could befall you. The "deurwaarder" seems to count on that.If you have a generous insurance policy, on the other hand, the Postbank will fear if something happened to you, because they won't want to pay the premium, if you know what I mean. I say this, because I believe there are dishonest employees at the Postbank who pretend they are "deurwaarders" and who put unjustifiable "holds" on your account, because no one ever challenges the holds. By the way, the Beheer Groep never answered my email. I will call them on Monday. Hope Hong Kong still looks good. Will see you soon.

Before this, I wrote:
Dear Shayne,I leant you 750 euro's giving you about 100 or so euro's and I just learned that Thomas has leant you 500 euro's. I haven't yet received any verification from you. I hope you are all right. I wrote the "Beheer Groep" today for an explanation.Be prudent, careful and watchful until you get back.Love, Rada

I also wrote:
Dear Shayne,I am not mad at you. I just wish for reassurance that you are ok. I still would like the full names of your travelling companions, in case you need my help, any time, during your trip.The tone and style of your letters sometimes varies and I want to make sure it is to you, I am addressing myself.Some things you have stated are truly puzzling to me, but this is not the time to quibble over discrepancies, as you might very well be perfectly okay. Maybe your companions are trustworthy. I hope so.

It was so hard for me to contact you this past year! I feared for your happiness, health and safety. I have been struggling hard--real hard-- to help myself get better. For a while, my breasts became as big as bowling balls. They are still disapportionately large. They are a real health hazard. Health is so hard to keep in this day and age, unless you know exactly the right products to use, fodds to eat and procedures to practice.

There is a real war on the poorer half of the world's population. Unfortunately, I am in the poorer half and I have been greatly abused.I just wanted to be supportive and to see your bright face. I miss you and miss our short conversations. Luckily, I am a little better and not so ill.

I also wanted you to use your room in the back of the house, which is still there for you, if you ever need it--even if just to stay over for a week-end sometime. Also, you can use the bath tub, as a change from the shower, whenever you want.Love,

Exchange of Mail

Hi Tom and Rada, we just got back from a trek through the Tiger Leaping Gorge, this is near the mountain of Shangrila, close to the Tibetan border. Tomorrow we will fly to Shanghai and move on to HongKong from there. The trek was wonderful, the mountains were the most impressive ones I've ever seen. Also we managed to avoid the massive amount of Chinese tourists traveling around in busses. Before that we were at a Panda park in Chengdu, the bears are really cute, but completely useless. They eat 20 kilograms of bamboo daily, when they're born they only way 130 grams and are the size of an apple.... (we actually got to see two newborns) so you can imagine how much they have to eat to gain their adult size after which they just lolligag around allday. It's no wonder they're nearly extinct.... The food is great, no stomach trouble yet.... weather is hot. I'm extremely tanned already.... Love Shayne 2006/8/10

I had sent:

What a delightful surprise to receive news from you. Your letter has
made my day. Was your plane trip o.k? Was it very long? (Hello,
also, to your companions. Hi! Everyone.)
There have been a number of short reports about China on TV. The
last one I saw concerned the wide popularity of the Internet in
China, although public use has been introduced warily and against a
backdrop of some censureship. Needless to say, I am glad you found a
computer.
I remember the vivid scenes of the Forbidden city in the movie, the
last Emperor by Bertolluci (sp?). I also saw the excavation Xi-An or
National Geographic. I can't wait to hear your personal description.
Do you stay in a hotel? Or are you staying with families? Are you
in a tour group? When you eat, do you choose which restaurant or are
tourists directed to specific facilities. How is the car
traffic? Have you seen the Panda's yet? Are you able to go into any
big cities? Can you easily mail letters? Do you have enough
money? Have you seen the ship yards? Does everyone speak
English? How can you receive money? Are there any Western Unions?
Do you you have the opportunity or money to buy any souvenirs, nice
clothes, little gadgets like minature cameras or computer accessories?
I was up all night completing tax forms. I had 7 sets of W-2 forms
to complete. The US tax system is undergoing transformation, but I
mailed everything today. I am also working on a low-tech, software project.
Just continue to be observant and prudent. U am relieved you are
enjoying your trip to China, so happy to receive word from you. Let
me know if you think of anything I can do for you?
So long, for now. I will write again soon.

Or Is Shayne In China?

As usual, this adventure turns out to be a tale of espionage, deceit and mystery. To our surprise, we talked to Shayne by telephone today, while she, supposedly, is in China. We didn't know you could call a person by mobile phone, when they are so far away. How did this happen? Well, having installed an Internet phone system, we were trying to call various locations, so we tried phoning Shayne's mobile-- just for experimental purposes-- and she answered the phone. Now the odd thing is that, in our correspondence, Shayne has been describing vivid scenes of China and also reporting that she could not draw any more money off of her bankcard.

Looking at her recent statements, there was, indeed, an unexplained hold put on her bank account. The hold was supposedly performed by the university but no dossier number was attached nor was any forewarning ever was sent by the university. I wrote about this to Shayne in an email and I also wrote to the university, but so far no response. (It is my suspicion that the hold was made willy nilly by someone working at the Postbank).

To make a long story short, last Friday, I decided to lend Shayne 700 euro's, which I deposited to her Postbank account to bring it up to about 150 euro's and Shayne's father deposited 500 euro's to her account. But today, almost one week, later, I learn, while talking to Shayne, that she still has been unable to get money and she said to me, "I will ask Ingrid about it." I asked, "Why can Ingrid get the money for you, faster than we can?" I only heard silence. (Afterall, Ingrid had not gone on the trip, I had been told)

But then I remembered the emails I had sent Shayne during the week. I had told her that I deposited the money to her account and she had answered, that it was okay. She was going to transfer money via the Internet into the account. And I was shocked, because I knew she didn't have enough money in her savings account to cover the amount of the "hold."

I was already suspicious about the identity of the person writing back to me. "Could this be Shayne talking?" I wondered.

In an earlier email in which I referred to her long and mysterious disappearance this past year, she wrote to me, "I didn't know that I disappeared in September." I was shocked again.

It was very quiet as we talked over the phone and I could hear no background noises at all. I said, "Are you even in China?" Earlier, she had mentioned that it was 3AM in the morning.
"Are your companions (Barry, Veysel and a new one, Geer--) there?" I asked. "They are asleep." she answered. But then some stirring began in the background and I heard voices talking. "Can I speak to them?" I asked. One of them spoke into the phone and I explained how I had put money into Shayne's account last week but it apparently was not available yet. And he said something to the effect, "Well, money is not such a big problem with Shayne at the moment."

Hmmm. It just doesn't sound right. Why are other people always more knowledgeable about Shayne's circumstances than Shayne or me? Why does she never know how much we do, to try to save her from disasster?

I believe someone else has been writing the emails. And I am not sure I believe she is in China. Because, besides being even able to phone her, the time she mentioned (3 AM) when we called at around 9:45 PM here was too early for Hong Kong. It should have been 4 AM there. When I called, it would have been 3 AM in Peru, Mexico, Jamaica or Nicaragua.

Besides, how did Shayne get through the airport? I would never attempt to use the airport, as so many persons seem to get held up or to disappear there. But somehow, miraculously, Shayne supposedly got through the airport and all the way to China for just 250 euro's.

The other thing is, that last year, when Shayne had "disappeared", money for a cancelled trip to China of about 800 euro's had been deposited to her account. But I did not then believe that the money was for a trip for Shayne. I believed she had purchased a ticket for someone else.

Shayne's In China

Extraordinary as it might seem, my daughter has not set foot in my house, since she disappeared last September. I have tried to keep in touch by mobile phone, but I only received an answer to two calls since her reappearance. And one of those two calls was made to her place of work, The Melkweg. Myself, I am convinced that the service, somehow, just failed to put the calls through.

I visited Shayne's apartment several times, although it was a strain for me to go out on the street in my physical condition, but I never encountered her at home, except once. I had to thump, sometimes using the metal strip of the mail slot, because the doorbell became broken after our first visit. After several weekends of trying and never finding her home, some people in the neighborhood began to oppress me by walking around with mobile phones and pausing along beside me, on the sidewalk, as I tried to thump on Shayne's door. One time, a woman (standing watching with her son) made a comment, then she noticed there sign stating the bell was broken. She made a remark about that and leaned back against a car, to smoke a cigarette. Another time, a woman walked into the door of an adjoining house, smiling, but as I turned to leave, I heard the frightening and fiece growl of her dog, hidden in the hallway.

So imagine my surprise and happiness when I received a phone call from Shayne last week. She said she was going to China. I gasped. I said, "Shayne, you can't go to China." Right away, she warned me that she was in the airport, already through customs, and on the way to China. She said, some Barry (as in "cock and bury"?) was her companion, along with some other guy. She wasn't coming back until 29th of August.

For a whole year, my daughter had not come by the house, I had been incarcerated and both of us, I am sure, had been frightened and had suffer consequences physically, with our health. And now she was on the way to China. I had not one opportunity to talk with her nor to exchange information about what happen to me and to her in the intervening period. I couldn't even know if she were telling the truth. I told Thomas, let's go to the airport and see if we can find her. But he wouldn't consider it.

Over the phone, Shayne and I discussed briefly how we could keep in touch. We decided she might could send an email sometime. A few days later, August 5th, I received an email, to my great relief. They were going to visit Xi An, where all the terracotta figures were excavated. But she said she didn't like the food they were getting. Well, since then, I have heard nothing and I can only hope that their trip is going smoothly and that she will find another computer to send a message from. But now, bills are starting to come in. A hold on her bank account of $800 for some unknown reason. And a bill from a homeopathic doctor, specializing in foot massages.

Already and unfortunately after a brief re-emergence for about two weeks, apparently my daughter has gone missing again. I had brought over a bag of insect spray cans, lotions and other ointments to give her, even though my own body has a long way to go, before recovering from the assualts I have suffered while living here. The last time I saw her, we could not talk because a disagreement rose up about venetian blinds and whether the blinds might provide a more protective structure over the large sliding doors (the complete back wall) of her bedroom. Shayne was still busy and in the rubble of decorating her new apartment. Shayne suggested that maybe the metal cages they slide over the store windows at night would be better and then flew out of the room, crying and upset. Thomas walked into her house at that time and hearing the commotion jumped right into the fracus, "sledgehamnering" me for always driving my side of the case too hard. Thomas was more worked up than anyone and, after rushing ourselves out of the house and into the auto, he shouted his head off at me for the next half hour driving home. That was Saturday, two weeks ago I had tried to get Thomas to set up an Internet connection for Shayne, having smuggled an extra amd defunked modem out of the house to show her but neither Thomas nor Shayne seem to understand the value of an immediate Internet connection, as it seems her cell phone is turned-off everytime I try to call. Shayne declared she could get Internet anytime by calling a company to install it, etc. Well, here it is two weeks later and I haven't seen her since. Papers and mail and a note I put through her mail-slot two weeks ago are piling up on the floor. A bike is parked encouragingly on the stoop in front of her house, but no matter how I scream and knock (the doorbell having become broken after the first time I saw her) no sign of Shayne. And what is worse, I have been puzzled, in the mean time, by the various IP addresses that head the emails of Lucille's letters. Is this because her mail is forwarded to various Call Centers around the world, before arriving in my email? In any case, the tones and fonts of Lucille's emails vary all the time and I wonder if there are several impersonators or hackers who edit her messages. Meanwhile, Thomas has just returned from a shaky 5-day trip North. And, again, this weekend, not a sign of Shayne. Almost three weeks ago, she answered her phone and asked, "Could I call you back?" and that was the last I heard from her. The first time I saw her after an 8-month absence, Shayne had stated that she heard that I have left testiments and declarations to her on the Internet and she asked would I remove them, now that I knew she was alive. I told her yes, although I wondered how she or others knew what I was doing on the Internet? (Shayne only re-emerged after I reported her probable death to the Department of Internal Revenue). Then there was the drama of Ayan Ali, the legislator from Somalia, who, some months after a stormy, tragic incident, abandoned her post and new home in Holland to emigrate to the U.S. For a week, "breaking news" local TV stations broadcast her drama to the viewers. In the end, the legislator was accused of not being a Dutch citizen, who should have her passport revoked etc., even though such an act, if undertaken, would precisely demonstrate the duplicity and irony of a government system, that would allow a candidate to run and be elected for a position, without having determined whether such a person could legitimately do so. True "Dutch citizenship" is never granted to foreigners, it is my belief and experience. And then suddenly, the furor was over and when the dust settled, I was left with my problem of my disappearing daughter. She had not even re-surfaced long enough for me to tell her how desperate I was to return to the U.S. and how I could have left her behind, thinking she was no longer alive.