Where We Are Now

Another Xmas passed without any word or sign of Shayne. Then I decided to phone the Music Building, where she said she was going to work, when I talked to her on the phone for a few minutes around September, after her return from China. To my delight and surprise, when I inquired about her, the person on the other side of the receiver seemed to know her and to be on friendly terms with her. According to her suggestion, I called there another day, and, yes!, it sounded like Shayne's voice in the background, apparently making recordings for the Voice system in English. However, when I tried to speak to Shayne personally, she said she was engaged and could not speak to me, while at work. Since then, I have bought $120 worth of tickets in order to catch a word with her, a minute or two, before the concert begins or before the ticket office closes. Nevertheless, my last visit, Shayne told me not to try to communicate with her that way. I only believe she behaved that way, because of fear of the "authorities." The people from Mentrum told me that Shayne told them, when they recently talked with her, that Shayne couldn't cope with watching my continually deteriorating physical condiction and unprovoked conflicts with "authorities" and others (especially, since I essentially never go out and simply work at the computer most of the time, iron shirts, cook and care for the cat, etc.)

I asked my mother, if she could perhaps invited Shayne to visit her in the US, hoping to try to remove her from this impossible environment, where they have succeeding in disrupting my relationship with her. (She has not visited for two years now). But my mother said, "No," even though she has a broken arm, which is still healing. She had said she was having difficulty driving a car around all the time. I had suggested that Shayne might could finish her driving lessons, her education or find work, but my mother rejected this idea. She also has refused to let me visit, because of my "gums," although she hasn't seen me since 1989. My own descriptions are never credible to her and she recently insists on interpreting my circumstances according to popular opinion.

I also had a couple of visits with representatives from Mentrum during this six month period and I answered their questions about my personal habits. I told them about the "see-through-wall" cameras, blinding lights, thunderous vibrations and futuristic, military technology I believe is always being used on me and about my attempts to combat the deteriorating state of my health resulting from these assaults by washing food thoroughly before cooking and consuming it (because it is often dirty and adulterated) and I also mentioned that sometimes, I hold dishwashing detergent in my mouth a long time to improve the condition of my gums. They have sometimes expressed shock over these tactics I use and I suspect and am wary that they might be compiling a study of me, which will be used against me in the future. They suggested I get fitted for proper glasses, as I had to use a magnifying glass to help me read. (But the real problem is that the arms break off my glasses very easily and I didn't want to pull out my patched up, reading glasses in front of them.)

I told them, "I have a very big enemy. " They agreed. They asked me if I knew why. I said, "I've never met him (I call "him," "The Boss"). I've probably never met any of the people pursuing me." I said, "I believe powerful people chase around small, insignificant people, in order to gain power over a region. Just look at how many supermarkets have disappeared. The variety is now very small." I continued, "I have sometimes noticed how, when I am shopping, other (pretend?) shoppers cast their eyes on my basket, taking note of everything I put in it. And then, the next time I go shopping, those products will have been "discontinued" or relabeled with the contents altered. For that reason, I always stayed out of small, local shops. I only shopped at one large supermarket store for food and never anywhere else."

The city of Amsterdam has changed rapidly over the last six months, so many small businesses have closed or moved elsewhere. There is a surprising number of derelict-looking store windows and one or two new, massage parlours and Chinese restaurants are operating in some of these newly "deserted" areas.

I heard on the news, that inspections (performed by outsiders or the UN) are being carried out now on the dikes and, like many others, I fear we are building up to a "natural disaster," which will involve a lot of flooding of the city. The so-called "outsider-inspections" might enable saboteurs to plant dynamite in the dikes. Or perhaps some other sort of policy might be decided on that will sabotage the population in the long run.

As the plot thickens, my Ex, Tom, announces that he is being sent to the US (near Columbus, Ohio) by his company, Ashland, in April. I am afraid, that if something happens to him, my record, as compiled by Mentrum, will be used against me and I will also be unable to communicate with my daughter during such a crisis. It occurs to me, also, that if something happened to her, there would be know way for me to be aware of it. We are all being forced, deliberatedly, to be isolated from each other.

Last week, Algean called and mentioned he had seen me around Central Station, when I was on my way to catch Shayne at the Music Building. He said, "I was in the background." I asked, "Did someone call you up and tell you I was in that vicinity, so that you could go there and view me?" And to my disbelief (and also relief), Algean said, "Yeah." This was a confession and the evidence I needed to confirm that someone, on seeing me leave the house, used a mobile phone, to tell other persons to tag after me. I told Algean to tell his "boss," not to use him, personally, anymore to spy on me in the future, as it would do no good.